I already had two epically failed marriages underneath my belt.

在的生命中已经 经历了两次婚姻的失败。

And I, Mauer Paskowitz, I wrote an epically crap novel, but I sure as Shinola can sweat like Nixon.

而 Mauer Paskowitz，写了个很屎的小说，不过 Shinola 也会像 Nixon一样出汗。